Evil Cat Overlords: The 2020 Updated Business Strategy

Cat Hair in the Covid Masks Will be the Death of All Humanity!!!!

Bwahahahaha ha ha....meow

 

 

My Beatiful Jewelry Box of Katas

If there was ever a time made for Kata, it is 2020.

I was flailing through seiuchin last night, reminding my feet and elbows their place in the universe and it reminded me of how I learn a kata.

I learn a kata like an intricate necklace, each cluster of jeweled settings of sequences attached by links into a beautiful and functional loop, with Yoi / Yame as the clasp that holds together the beginning and the end.

The weakest part, for me, has always been the transition links. The link would break and then I couldn't get to the next setting of moves, then I couldn't practice it and all the move jewels would fall out of the settings, I would lose them and all I'd be left with was the small dangly bit of chain stuck to

the Yoi clasp. And I just couldn't wear that so it would be discarded too. 

So. I concentrate on learning the transitions first. I stumble over the settings, I don't worry to much about the height of the kick or the position of my elbow, then I solder those transition links in, then paint them with super glue and flex seal. That one turn of the foot that sets up the next sequence. The shift of the weight. The turn of the head. All the way till I reach Yame and complete the loop.

Then I practice the kata focusing ONLY on the transitions. It is the ugliest thing you have ever seen. It has driven every Karate instructor I've learned under to distraction. I'd brush off or half ass the beautiful jewels of the kata to carefully put myself into position for a single functional move over and over. It probably looked like I was deliberately defacing the kata. Like trying to listen to someone who is putting emphasis on random and nonsensical syllables as they sing a favorite song, shockingly offkey.

Then I go back and carefully set each stone, straighten each bent setting and polish the piece by running it over and over and over. Because I know it. Because it runs as an unbroken, logical chain. I know exactly where I am in the piece. I know where I'm going. I know where I have been. I can infer the next move because I know where my feet need to be. It isn't something that I need to clutch and hang onto, it is something beautiful that I wear without effort. A beautiful necklace of kata.

It has been over a year since I really worked on seiuchin. But it was still there. Link by link.

Mask for the Generously Bearded Gentleman (or Lady)

My cousin asked for a face mask that would accommodate his rather impressive beard. I had never considered the problem that would arise from having a mass of hair on ones chin. What would be its volume? How easy would it be to stuff places? Does it require its own conditioner? Are drinking fountains problematic?

I didn't see any masks for the bearded individual that I liked. Most were just 'bigger' or open at the bottom (which doesn't seem effective for the mask actually functioning).

I spent some time trying to imagine hair stuck to my face and this is the design I came up with:

Socially Distant BJJ

First Stage of Accepting the Pandemic....

Today I feel like I really accepted the pandemic: I cleaned out my gym bag.

So much of my pre-Covid19 time was spent having  the right combination of gear organized for the correct activity, ready to grab and go out the door. So much of my Covid19 time is NOT that. 

It felt like acceptance to put the tiny shampoos and conditioners in my shower and my yoga mat towels in the linen closet.

Pandemic Simulator: Hobbies

Step 1: Write all your many varied hobbies and interests on slips of paper and put into hat

Step 2: Randomly pull out three slips of paper

Step 3: These are your only hobbies, the others are dead to you

"Looks like my hobbies are now 'muffin baking' …. 'sewing' and …. 'catering to my cat's every whim'. Dang it! I wanted 'angry pajama yoga', 'hitting people with sticks' and 'going to the movie theater'! How did the cat one even get IN here!"

Zoom Dilemma

You should clean your living room before the Zoom call! It will be good to get up off the couch!

Orrrrr..... I've got a better plan...... We both know you hate cleaning.... sooooo

How to Sew a Face Mask

Last week I was fine, this week I am preparing to survive a horror movie. Last week when I told people I was making face masks out of bedsheets I was asked if I was crazy, this week I'm asked if I have a pattern.

Disclaimer: Don't be over confident. These masks are not as effective as surgical masks, which are not as effective as N95 masks. I have seen studies that they are better than nothing AND, ethically, I feel that I should not be buying masks when they are in short supply for Health Care workers.

Instruction Video for this Article

Materials Needed:

Cloth: tight weave cotton like a tea cloth, a thick T-shirt, a pillow case, fabric scraps, etc. Consider not just how tight the weave but also if it will be comfortable to wear against your skin and if you have it on hand and can avoid buying it in a public place.

Wire: Optional - this will make the mask fit closer to the bridge of the nose. I use wire gardening ties but any easily bendable wire you have on hand will work.

Paper and 12" Ruler: to make the pattern. It can be any type of paper. I use disposable plastic table cloths because it is easy to draw on and pin up.

Basic Sewing Kit: I have a sewing machine, pins, iron, etc. BUT all you really need is a needle, thread, scissors and a pencil.

Pattern:

With the paper and pencil sketch a shape that looks like the picture that you think will roughly approximate your face. Cut it out. Hold it to your face. Repeat as necessary. Cut two of the pattern pieces and pin them together at the curve. Hold it to your face this is what the mask will look like (though a tiny bit smaller based on your seam allowance). Good? If so move on. (Waste paper not fabric)

If making a pattern doesn't excite you, my beloved Mother has improved the design of the pattern and added an option for ear loops. 
Carolyn's Improved PDF Pattern
Rose's Good-Enough, Lots of Room for Talking PDF Pattern

Cutting:
Use pencil to trace 4 of the pattern pieces. - mask
Use pencil to trace 4 of the rulers (place the ruler on the cloth and trace around it) - ties
Cut them out.

Sewing: 

1) Place the fabric mask pieces in 2 stacks of 2. Pin and sew the curved edge.

2) Line up and pin the two resulting sides of the mask together with the raw seams on the outside. Sew the top and bottom of the mask together and leaving the sides open.

3) Turn it inside out. Now the 'nice' part is out and the raw edges are in and iron.

4) Cut a piece of wire that is long enough to approximately follow the top of the mask (err on the side of a bit longer). Kink the wire gently in the middle to make it fit into the nose of the mask, thread the wire between the folds of the fabric and pin it into place.

5) Sew under the wire to keep it into place.

6) Sew the bottom of the mask to help the mask keep its shape

Set aside mask and return to the 4 fabric ruler tracings/ties.

7) Fold and iron the raw edges into the middle

8) Fold in half (raw edges inside), iron, pin, and sew.

9) Fold the raw edges on the sides of the mask in and iron flat.

10) Pin a tie between the two layers of the mask at each of the four corners. Fold the ends of the wire in-between and crimp it tightly in place.

11) Sew down the sides of the mask, sewing the ties into place.

12) With a needle and thread, finish the ends of the ties by folding them over and stiching them by hand.

Resources: My mask design is based on this article:

https://smartairfilters.com/en/blog/best-materials-make-diy-face-mask-virus/?rel=1

The Best Hobbies...

It's a Statement Piece

I'm sick with another cold and watching too much Dateline. I am always baffled by what Lester Holt thinks is abnormal to own and, in fact, by owning makes you a pretty good murder suspect.

Full Ninja Suit? Who doesn't have one (or two)?

Anatomy Posters? I need them to figure out what is hurting.

Large collection of knives? I would judge if they are terrible, ugly knives ... except I kind of like tacky knives too.

Has too many swords? That's just crazy, there are never too many swords.

Then Amazon suggested this to me:

I feel like I could find a way to declare to the world I was a deranged person for cheaper than $80. 

Part of me thinks it is hilarious that the color is described as "Coral". Who thought this was a good idea? And is there a Dateline episode about them.....

SoCal Sword Fight Matches!

Time to get some popcorn and see what I did at SoCal. Because I don't remember. Seriously.

https://youtu.be/7r-lllmMaLw

First Competition Experience: SoCal Sword Fight

Brain: Welp, too many emotions going on here! Better cry to release the pressure till we figure this out.

Me: Nooooooooooooooo!

When I started martial arts I was pretty adamant I was doing this entirely for myself and had absolutely no interest in competing. None. Nada. Ever.

Well.... I decided to give it a go while thinking of it as challenging myself and experiencing new things. I gave myself permission to lose. I gave myself permission of freeze up and just stand in the ring and get hit. I gave myself permission to scratch at the last minute if I thought I might get seriously hurt. And with that mindset I signed up for the Women's Steel Tournament at SoCal Sword Fight. My goals were: 1) Lose honorably without being a complete push over 2) Do not go to the ER or urgent care.

Things went wrong pretty quickly. I got busy at work. I got an incredibly nasty head cold a week before which didn't allow me to put on my mask, spar, or even exercise (seriously, 'Chairzercise Stretching for Seniors' was leaving me wheezing on my couch. Not good.) Going over the Grapevine with sinus pressure was painful and that meant I didn't get any sparing done the day before either. (Also not good). My new goals were 1) Do not puke in my fencing mask 2) Do not pass out in the ring.

I discovered that the problem with the first competition is that you don't know what you don't know. I had no Pre-Competition Plan. I saw other people doing warm up stretch's, listening to headphones to get in the head space and basically managing the stress of upcoming matches. I was doing none of those useful things. Finally, Ramon Santos, who was coaching me, suggested I do some warm up techniques with him (Great idea, I should have thought of that!). That helped but then I had to navigate telling teammates what kind of pep talks were and were not increasing the stress I was under, which was hard do in the moment.

I was NOT prepared for the adrenaline dump of competition. I was prepared for my hands to shake uncontrollably (though with the big gloves I wear, I was able to hold my sword steady) but I was not prepared to literally have no memory of my matches. None. I really hope I didn't hit my competitors too hard or not self call a strike I should have. But I couldn't remember squat. I am really glad that Matthew Bento recorded them because I kind of want to see what I did. I was also really grateful that all my teammates were telling me when I needed to be up for my matches because even though I swear I looked at the schedule beforehand, I couldn't remember precisely anything. I also really appreciated Ray who volunteered to stand in my corner and give me fencing advice …. which I promptly didn't use and made the same mistakes over and over. 

The part that was the hardest was that my brain could not process all the strong emotions I was experiencing along with the adrenaline dump (they might have been good emotions, I am still analyzing). My brain usually deals with overwhelming emotions by having a nice cry. Usually not a big problem: moisturizes my eyeballs and clears my sinuses but I realized with horror that everyone else would interpret crying as me being a Disappointment Diva over not being the magically 
good Dragon Ninja Warrior Princess who does a training montage and then beats her highly skilled competitors in a single sound track. I was totally fine with looking 'weak' or 'girly' or whatever but not like a Disappointment Diva. The 'not crying' was the hardest part of the whole experience but probably the easiest to fix (give the emotions names like "excitement", "anticipation" and "danger rush" before hand and concentrate on those labels in the moment).

I ended up having a really good fencing day and fenced at the top of my ability. I scored points against my opponents, which was a really big win because I had prepared myself for the very real possibility that I would lose all my matches 12:0. I got a lot more doubles than my pride likes and I really need to focus on taking the offensive in the match and having the presence of mind to stop doing techniques that don't work.

BUT:

I finished 16 out of 18 and managed to accomplish all four of my goals. Yay me :)

Why I Do Stupid Stuff When Sick

Sick Me Sitting Down

VS.

Sick Me Standing Up

One of my New Year Resolutions is to actually take it easy when I'm sick. But Sitting Down Me is pretty sure I can do all the things that Standing Up Me is pretty sure will kill me.

Sigh, I need to pick easier resolutions AND kick this cold before next week.

Stabbed in the Face: Day 2

Astute readers may have noticed that I didn't list the lessons I learned from getting stabbed in the face and having my fencing mask bash me in the nose. That was because I didn't, at the time, think I had learned anything new.

Stabbed in the Face = Bad  (yep learned that already)
Wear Safety Equipment (yawn)
Ice Injuries (holding a pint of ice cream against it counts, right?)
Don't Taunt Your Opponent (don't plan to learn that lesson)

Day 2 and my face hurt. I assumed because my nose wasn't broken, the bleeding stopped pretty quick, and there was minimal bruising and swelling on my nose and eyebrow that I could ignore it. But Ouch. All Day Ouchy - Ouch.

Soooo then I decided to go to BJJ. You know, the class that squishes your face.

I got to learn my lesson after all.

Pain Makes You Stupid

I was so distracted by the pain in my face and nose that I made stupid errors in my hand and arm placement that got my fingers rolled back. That distracted me to somehow twist my elbow (not bad, but still). Most of all I just couldn't CONCENTRATE any time pressure was applied to my nose.

I left before I had more body parts in pain than I had ice packs and I'll be fine in a day or two.

Sigh, learning stuff sometimes kind of sucks.

Mask Fit Check

I asked my Fencing opponent to stab me in the face multiple times to see if I had gotten the Velcro on my mask and overlay fitted properly..... Good news: the overlay stays on! Bad News: Ouch!

Iron Gate HEMA at Fechtschule Sacramento 2019!

https://youtu.be/9XyAtWK6Ink

Fun at HEMA tournament: Swords, Blood, & Excitement!!!

I Have Found the Perfect Icing Combo!

There are two things that all my friends and family know about me: 1) I get bruised a lot and 2) I hate the cold. I put off icing injuries because of how much I hate the cold.

Wednesday I found the perfect solution! Wrap a refrigerated beaded cold pack around the injury and put the waaaay too cold freezer pad under it to keep the beads from warming up in 3 seconds like they normally do!

Now if I could just find a way to make myself actually REST injuries....